Love does things for reasons that reason itself cannot understand.

Isn't it complicated how life can make you feel so good and bad almost always at the same time? It's like you can't have the good without the bad, or you can't truly be happy without the suffering. It's impossible to just be.. Happy. It's a fact that what comes easy wont last, and what lasts, won't come easy. I'd want to meet the person who'll turn my nights into days. I'll meet him in a heartbeat if I could, but I can't. There's not a thing in life that's certain, everything changes. All we could ever do is accept all the possible outcomes of our decisions.
One day. Someday..

It would be nice to decide for myself for a change.

I love my life and all, but sometimes I can't help but think that I may not be living it the way I want to.
I want to be able to decide for myself and live up to it. I want to be able to make mistakes and be okay with them as long as I'm learning. I want to be able to do what I want to do and be trusted that I'm not doing anything wrong, because I know my limitations. I want to choose for myself, to be independent, but I can't do all these because I feel as though everything is planned out for me. They've decided what kinds of things they want to happen in my life. Please don't get me wrong, I know they're only trying to protect me and to provide better things for me, but I want to feel alive. I want to live my life. If only they know what I feel, it wouldn't be this difficult.. :/

I'm not really good for much of anything.

And that saddens me.
I mean I am aware that I'm not as bright as everyone else, but I want to be able to feel that I am worth something.
I think that it's unfair how I'm starting to forget most of the things I used to know so well. I don't understand what's wrong with me, to tell you the truth. There are a lot of things that I don't understand with myself. It's almost like I'm a stanger of my own ghost. And I guess I'm letting my guard down just by saying this, but I'm really insecure. It's depressing because sometimes it has its tendency to eat my whole being, and I'm kind of relieved that it hasn't. I don't know, I guess I am because like what I said, I'm not good for much of anything, I have nothing to offer. I feel like I always have to work hard on something, and I mean real hard to get to my goal, and most of the time, I come off short; no, forget that, I always come off short. It makes me sad that I feel this kind of emotion, the kind that I hate of all things...

Foolish Heart, stop before you start falling.

I need a love that grows

I don't want it unless I know

But with each passin hour

Someone, somehow

Will be there, ready to share

I need a love that's strong

I'm so tired of being alone

But will my lonely heart

Play the part

Of the fool again, before I begin

Foolish heart, hear me calling

Stop before you start falling

Foolish heart, heed my warning

You've been wrong before

Don't be wrong anymore

I'm feelin that feelin again

I've been playin a game I can't win

Love's knockin on the door

Of my heart once more

Think I'll let him in

Before I begin

Hey Stranger, When May I Call You My Own?

Hey stranger, when may I call you my own

I know I don't know you, but there's somewhere I've seen you before

Whatever your name is, whatever you do

There's nothing between us I'm willing to loose

Just call me if ever our paths may climb

I want you to call me under these darkened sky's

Whoever you love, whoever you kiss

The wandering between us I'm willing to miss

Now I'm drifting out over deep oceans

And the tide won't take me back in

And these desperate nights I'll call you again and again

There's comfort, comfort in things we believe

Other than danger, wanting the things I can't see

Where ever you live now, where ever you walk

There's distance between us I'm willing to cross

Now I'm drifting out over deep oceans

And the tide won't take me back in

And these desperate nights I'll call you again and again

Now I'm drifting out over deep oceans

And the tide won't take me back in

And these desperate nights I'll call you again and again

Hey stranger, when may I call you my own

I know I don't know you, but there's somewhere I've seen you before.

I have the best friends ever! ☺

I cannot thank God enough for having such wonderful friends surrounding me. No matter how far away we are from each other, we still manage to get in touch and it seems almost like nothing's changed despite the years I last saw them. I am grateful for the love and appreciation. I will be forever grateful and you guys will always be in my heart, always. ❤

"I don't regret this life they chose for me, but these places and thesefaces are getting old..."

I miss home. I miss my family that I love so dearly. I miss my friends, the only ones that forsure won't leave me. I miss the weather and the rain. I miss all the things I used to do, and how easy it was to be happy, to find happiness. I miss all the places that I used to always go to when I have nothing better to do. I miss talking to my friends/bestfriends face to face when I was feeling down or just randomly. I miss the friendly neighbors we have. I miss all the faces that never failed to make me smile. I miss the people who made sure that I'm loved and wanted. I miss so many things and it's driving me nuts. :(

This life that I have right now, I'm just as grateful as I've always been, it's just that I miss home. I've learned so many things here and I think I've grown so much as a person, but I want to escape even just for a day. This reality/real world is draining my whole being. I need to breathe. I want to feel happiness again, the genuine kind of feeling. But I know that I need to be strong. Life is such a butt. :/

La pensée d'espoir

I've always been that person who never stops caring, no matter how long it's been since we last talked, or no matter how faraway we are from each other. I guess that's just who I am. When I love, I love unconditionally and truly. And sometimes I think that's one of my weaknesses. I give everything when I love and so I get hurt so easily. I've never fallen yet, and yet I'm already a fool when I start liking someone. I'm the type of person who will try to understand a person's side of view no matter how wrong they are. I just think they have reasons why they do what they do. I don't forget the things I want to remember, bad or good. I think I have a weakness to people who are good with words, the kind of people who tries to look at the positive side of life rather than the negative. They're the kind of people who makes life worth living. All my life I always get what I want, I always thought life was a piece of cake, easy and always pretty. They say I'm such an easy-go-lucky person. I understand now, I know that I can't always get the things I want simply because they are not meant for me. Life isn't always easy, in fact, it's very seldom that life will be easy, it's almost always about trying to survive. I know there will come a time that it will be my turn to be happy. I know all of these will make sense someday soon. It will make sense...

I'm so down.

I can't even.. :( I'm really sad. I don't know what to do. I can't be sad, I really just can't. I've never been like this in my life. I always see the good, or at least I always try to see the good in life. But now there's nothing. Nothing to hold on to, to look forward to. When did it all become so difficult? I'm not losing my faith, but I'm just really tired right now. I just want to be happy again, genuinely. The only thing that keeps me going is my family, and partly myself. Sometimes I feel as if I don't deserve good things, cos everything that I want to happen don't happen. I know I can't always have it my way, and I know there's a reason for this, but gosh, what the hell is it? :| I don't know. I really don't. Sigh. I guess I'll just need to get by again, like always.