Wednesday, March 26, 2014

For awhile we pretended that we never had to end it, but we knew we had to say goodbye. Torn in two, and I know I shouldn't tell you but I just can't stop thinking of you. You, wherever you are; every night I almost call you, just to say part of me will always choose to be with you. I can say we'll be together, someday. But nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same. So why can't I stop feeling this way?

Monday, March 17, 2014

Fear no one but yourself.

I am the problem. I don't know what I want and what I deserve. I always think so low about myself to the point I am so destructible. I am a lost soul and I hurt so easily. I hurt people's feelings around me silently and it's a shame. I am so insecure, not a single compliment helps. Why am I this way? What went wrong.. I am my own enemy and I hate myself for being this way. I need to know what I want. I need to be okay with the consequences. I need to be a better person, I should know better..

Thursday, February 27, 2014

I hope the sun shines, and it's a beautiful day, and something reminds you, you wish you had stayed...

It hurts more than I ever imagined. I miss you so much and it hurts so badly. I know this is just a phase, but damn, how long do I have to feel this way? I miss everything about you; the way you laugh and cry, the way you look at me when you're sorry, mad, happy or sad. The way you look when you sleep, those moments I doubted you because it didn't seem like you actually meant what you've told me; or because you were lazy and you don't listen to anyone when your mind is set to something you want. I miss fighting with you, and how irritated you get when I interrupt you while you're talking. I miss it when you get mad at me because I don't listen to you. No matter how opposite we are, we are so alike at the same time. I guess I just miss you, maybe? It's been almost a month now and I really do wish you're happy where you are. I hope it's nice and that life is treating you well.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

A Stranger's Heart

Technicolored life, but all I can see is black and white.
Overpopulated school, but I only search for you in this crowded room.
Without knowing what you did, you took a weak part of me that will always draw me to you.
Strong admiration, good intentions, peer pressure interests;
My feelings doesn't change one bit.
Creepy in a way, but flattering altogether.
Don't drown from the words, instead take them all and carry them with you.
You'll probably never understand, nor ever see this, but if you do, I hope you'll think that it's you.
When you look my way, I always try to look away as fast as I could.
Wishing every morning to see you,
Just to get a glimpse of you.
It may seem stalker-ish, but really I'm just interested.
I think I'm giving away too much, maybe I should just give up.
Watching from afar, it gets tiring everyday.
Seeing you with the girl you like, it shouldn't even matter, but part of me aches everytime; so I look away.
Assuming that you feel something too, but doubtful because it's impossible.
You set yourself as a person with high standards, but I see someone who's reaching out for a hand that understands.
Walking confidently, being quiet all the time, responsible actions;
I see them all, a stranger's heart as pure as gold.
I know this is pointless, stupid, and nonsense;
It's just that, you struck something in me.
A somewhat poem, but really I can't write one.

Calm down, this is just a phase. I'll get over it. Don't flatter yourself too much. Don't get ahead of yourself. :) lol

Sunday, April 28, 2013

"The wound begin to close in on itself, to protect what is hurting so much. And once it is closed, you no longer see what is underneath, what started the pain."

It's inevitable to feel pain everytime you hear or see something that once was so close to you, then all of a sudden, you're not a part of whatever it is that they are experiencing. At some point in our lives, we meet people who will change us, and who will bring the best out of us; some are meant to teach us lessons, and some are meant to be kept, but unfortunately, there are some who will bring out the best in you but are also meant to leave you, and most of the time, they are the once we may feel like calling as 'the one that got away.' There will also come a point in our lives where we'll be able to accept all the differences and all the things we have to let go. Long story short, we learn acceptance. We learn to accept that life goes on, people change, and situation gets a lot more complicated as we old. We learn to adapt to life and its bittersweet cycle. Go with the flow, keep your feet on the ground, and remind yourself everyday to make the best out of yourself.

If you have it bad today, remember, you are being challenged now so you can have the good in the future. Battles are good, they make you stronger.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

...she was afraid that it might eat her whole being, the fact that it might, scared her not because it might happen, but because she fear she'll lose herself; the self that she had built for years in such a fragile manner.

She didn't know exactly what was missing. She had no idea what it was that she's been longing for her whole life. She couldn't recognize the sudden pain inside her, longing to feel special, but always coming off short for anybody to realize that she needed someone as well. She was clueless of who she really was. Trying so hard to figure out what it was that she's good at, for she didn't have any good talent to offer. She knew one thing for sure though, she knew that she will never be good enough for anybody. She always wondered why so, she had more than a million different reasons in mind, but she wasn't certain what the truth really was. She was afraid to fall in love; she always wanted to, though. The thought of it always made her feel giddy inside. She always wanted to give, but she was afraid she'd never get anything in return, not that she wanted much of it, she just thought that if she did, she'd feel special, for once. But she was never certain for she has always been the second best, she has never been the first choice. She thought maybe she did something so wrong, she didn't deserve to be someone's first choice. She thought maybe she'd make a good option, not a priority. She always wondered what it was that others have, that she, unfortunately didn't posses.

She's still trying to figure out the reasons behind all her questions, but she figured she'll never get her answers. She was hopeful, though. She figured she'll be okay. After all, she knew nobody will ever understand what she feels but herself. She wasn't emotionally distressed, she was just... Tired, for lack of a better word. She just wished she knew. It has always been a battle for her to try to feel good about herself while feeling otherwise. She hoped that one day, like everyone else, whether in a stormy day or a sunny day, coffee shop or library, that she, somehow, will be loved.