Happy 20th birthday to the person closest to my heart. The world is blessed with someone annoying and loud like you. Without people like you, life would be too normal, that's not always what this world needs. :p I hope you get everything you wished for. Although we are thousands of miles away, I know you know that I'm celebrating with you. Thank you for everything. I'm glad you're in my life. I'll see you soon po. :)


P.S. You're old.

Remember when...

I saw you again for the first time that senior year in HS looking buff and different? That time you saw me enter that english class and smiled? "You're in this class, it won't be as boring anymore." That day you told me everything about your flaws, or the day you told me about your dad. Remember when you used to ditch your class becauuse you didn't care and walked with me around campus to give out passes? How about those days we'd hangout with our friend after class everyday to either eat-out, go to the gym, or just go to places. How about those chill days watching that one scary movie afterschool because it was so boring we can't take watching it in one sitting? How about that day I helped you with laundry but ended up watching a movie on netflix cos who likes doing the laundry anyways. That day you first met my parents just because you were bored at home and wanted to hangout. And that same day when my mom let us try to drink wine just cos. How about the day we went to eat at Red Robin for the first time because I've never tried it before. And went to the movie theater before picking up my sister at school. Remember when that Army Recruiter talked to us about joining the Military and you were so interested that we had to go there to take the exam? You enlisted. How about that day we went to the zoo twice, one was because we didn't feel like going to the state fair, and the other was cos you went with me to school just cos. That same day we ate a thai restaurant because you know how much I love it. On my 19th birthday, you picked me up and drove me to school, went to buy groceries for what you're making me after class, and went back to pick me up not knowing you had a giraffe stuffed toy and roses buckled up in the passenger seat. That same day when we ate with your parents and your dad said, "He's never cooked us a meal before." I felt so special that I was the reason why you did. How about on your 19th birthday, we went on a picnic, and I made you fettucine because you love that, and that horrible cake that your stepmom came to love no matter ugly it looked like. Jow about your last week until you left for BT and you woke up early every morning to pick me up and drop me off to school and you'd wait in your car while I'm in class? I thought it was sweet simce you dont ever wake up early for anybody. And how about that day we went to Red Robin for the last time and swore not to go eat there again until you get back from the Army? Your last day that you spent with me and our friend, and your last meal at Bjs and how you looked so sad that whole day, while I was trying to pretend everything's going to be alright. And remember when we had that last hug for a long time, our final goodbye til we see each other again. And the first week that you were gone, I don't think you would ever know how broken I was. How broken I felt. There are so many memories, much more than what I wrote down. Those memories will stay with me forever. I hope you're happy where you are. I hope you are. 

I don't think they will ever know how much it hurts. I guess maybe this is one of the many reasons why I can never let you go even if I wanted to. You are so important to me and I have no idea how to tell others that. You mean so much to me and it breaks my heart that no one understands what I feel. You have given me both heaven and hell and they were all worth it. I don't know how to live my life without you anymore and maybe that is what kept me going back to you no matter how hard I try to keep myself away. I try to find joy some place else and I do find happiness, the kind of happiness I know I need, but nothing compares to the joy you bring me. I hope they knew. I really hope they did.. </3

For awhile we pretended that we never had to end it, but we knew we had to say goodbye. Torn in two, and I know I shouldn't tell you but I just can't stop thinking of you. You, wherever you are; every night I almost call you, just to say part of me will always choose to be with you. I can say we'll be together, someday. But nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same. So why can't I stop feeling this way?

Fear no one but yourself.

I am the problem. I don't know what I want and what I deserve. I always think so low about myself to the point I am so destructible. I am a lost soul and I hurt so easily. I hurt people's feelings around me silently and it's a shame. I am so insecure, not a single compliment helps. Why am I this way? What went wrong.. I am my own enemy and I hate myself for being this way. I need to know what I want. I need to be okay with the consequences. I need to be a better person, I should know better..

I hope the sun shines, and it's a beautiful day, and something reminds you, you wish you had stayed...

It hurts more than I ever imagined. I miss you so much and it hurts so badly. I know this is just a phase, but damn, how long do I have to feel this way? I miss everything about you; the way you laugh and cry, the way you look at me when you're sorry, mad, happy or sad. The way you look when you sleep, those moments I doubted you because it didn't seem like you actually meant what you've told me; or because you were lazy and you don't listen to anyone when your mind is set to something you want. I miss fighting with you, and how irritated you get when I interrupt you while you're talking. I miss it when you get mad at me because I don't listen to you. No matter how opposite we are, we are so alike at the same time. I guess I just miss you, maybe? It's been almost a month now and I really do wish you're happy where you are. I hope it's nice and that life is treating you well.

A Stranger's Heart

Technicolored life, but all I can see is black and white.
Overpopulated school, but I only search for you in this crowded room.
Without knowing what you did, you took a weak part of me that will always draw me to you.
Strong admiration, good intentions, peer pressure interests;
My feelings don't change one bit.
Creepy in a way, but flattering altogether.
Don't drown from the words, instead take them all and carry them with you.
You'll probably never understand, nor ever see this, but if you do, I hope you'll think that it's you.
When you look my way, I always try to look away as fast as I could.
Wishing every morning to see you,
Just to get a glimpse of you.
It may seem stalker-ish, but really I'm just interested.
I think I'm giving away too much, maybe I should just give up.
Watching from afar, it gets tiring everyday.
Seeing you with the girl you like, it shouldn't even matter, but part of me aches everytime; so I look away.
Assuming that you feel something too, but doubtful because it's impossible.
You set yourself as a person with high standards, but I see someone who's reaching out for a hand that understands.
Walking confidently, being quiet all the time, responsible actions;
I see them all, a stranger's heart as pure as gold.
I know this is pointless, stupid, and nonsense;
It's just that, you struck something in me.
A somewhat poem, but really I can't write one.

Calm down, this is just a phase. I'll get over it. Don't flatter yourself too much. Don't get ahead of yourself. :) lol