Semper fidelis

"Always faithful," "Always loyal." This motto has always been one of my favorites. I believe that in every aspect of what we do in life should include faithfulness. In family, friends, work, and love. All things take time, and it takes patience to get the best. I want to believe that once I find it, that it will also be the last to ever wait for it. I want to be able to be sure that it will last. I want to believe that it is worth the wait. I know one day it will happen, I just hope that it'll feel right. On the real, not a lot of people take the time to get to know me. I guess because I really have nothing to offer. I mean, how can I blame them? Look at me. There's a lot of 'em more worthy than I. Go with the flow, they said. I guess I will.

"Wherever you are, and no matter what's going on in your life, when it's the first night of the full moon, I want you to find it in the night time sky. I want you to think about me because wherever I am, no matter what's going on in my life, that's exactly what i'll be doing. If we can't be together, at least we can share that, and maybe between the two of us, we can make this last forever" -Dear John

Something about this quote makes me want to fall in love. Ehh, I guess I'm such a hopeless romantic from all the books I've read. But I want to believe that one day, I'll meet someone who will be able to make me feel like I'm good enough. Then I'll know it's real.. Hopefully.

I think I love you better now.

Lego House

Ed Sheeran

I'm gonna pick up the pieces,

And build a Lego house

If things go wrong we can knock it down

My three words have two meanings,

There's one thing on my mind

It's all for you

And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm

If you're broken I will mend you and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now

I'm out of touch, I'm out of love

I'll pick you up when you're getting down

And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now

I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind

I'll do it all for you in time

And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now

I'm gonna paint you by numbers

And colour you in

If things go right we can frame it and put you on a wall

And it's so hard to say it but I've been here before

Now I'll surrender up my heart

And swap it for yours

I think my braces are breaking, and it's more than I can take

And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm

If you're broken I will mend you and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now

Love does things for reasons that reason itself cannot understand.

Isn't it complicated how life can make you feel so good and bad almost always at the same time? It's like you can't have the good without the bad, or you can't truly be happy without the suffering. It's impossible to just be.. Happy. It's a fact that what comes easy wont last, and what lasts, won't come easy. I'd want to meet the person who'll turn my nights into days. I'll meet him in a heartbeat if I could, but I can't. There's not a thing in life that's certain, everything changes. All we could ever do is accept all the possible outcomes of our decisions.
One day. Someday..

It would be nice to decide for myself for a change.

I love my life and all, but sometimes I can't help but think that I may not be living it the way I want to.
I want to be able to decide for myself and live up to it. I want to be able to make mistakes and be okay with them as long as I'm learning. I want to be able to do what I want to do and be trusted that I'm not doing anything wrong, because I know my limitations. I want to choose for myself, to be independent, but I can't do all these because I feel as though everything is planned out for me. They've decided what kinds of things they want to happen in my life. Please don't get me wrong, I know they're only trying to protect me and to provide better things for me, but I want to feel alive. I want to live my life. If only they know what I feel, it wouldn't be this difficult.. :/

I'm not really good for much of anything.

And that saddens me.
I mean I am aware that I'm not as bright as everyone else, but I want to be able to feel that I am worth something.
I think that it's unfair how I'm starting to forget most of the things I used to know so well. I don't understand what's wrong with me, to tell you the truth. There are a lot of things that I don't understand with myself. It's almost like I'm a stanger of my own ghost. And I guess I'm letting my guard down just by saying this, but I'm really insecure. It's depressing because sometimes it has its tendency to eat my whole being, and I'm kind of relieved that it hasn't. I don't know, I guess I am because like what I said, I'm not good for much of anything, I have nothing to offer. I feel like I always have to work hard on something, and I mean real hard to get to my goal, and most of the time, I come off short; no, forget that, I always come off short. It makes me sad that I feel this kind of emotion, the kind that I hate of all things...

Foolish Heart, stop before you start falling.

I need a love that grows

I don't want it unless I know

But with each passin hour

Someone, somehow

Will be there, ready to share

I need a love that's strong

I'm so tired of being alone

But will my lonely heart

Play the part

Of the fool again, before I begin

Foolish heart, hear me calling

Stop before you start falling

Foolish heart, heed my warning

You've been wrong before

Don't be wrong anymore

I'm feelin that feelin again

I've been playin a game I can't win

Love's knockin on the door

Of my heart once more

Think I'll let him in

Before I begin